Can you marry a cousin?

Gettysburg has a PDF showing a map of the United States and a map of the world based on whether they allow cousins to marry:

Laws governing the marriage of first cousins vary widely. In 24 states (pink), such marriages are illegal. In 19 states (green), first cousins are permitted to wed. Seven states (peach) allow first-cousin marriage but with conditions. Maine, for instance, requires genetic counseling; some states say yes only if one partner is sterile. North Carolina prohibits marriage only for double first cousins. Got that?

Researchers who study inbreeding track consanguineous marriages—those between second cousins or closer. In green countries, at least 20 percent and, in some cases, more than 50 percent of marriages fall into this category. Pink countries report 1 to 10 percent consanguinity; peach-colored countries, less than 1 percent. Data is unavailable for white countries.

Repeal laws banning cousins from marrying: geneticists

In 2008 CBC had an article about cousin marriage bans:

Cousin marriage — and marriage between a niece or nephew and their uncle or aunt — is legal in Canada, according to the federal Marriage (Prohibited Degrees) Act of 1990.

On the other hand, in the United States, 31 state laws either bar the practice or allow it only when the couple has genetic counselling, is beyond reproductive age or if a partner is sterile. The authors of the paper ask whether the laws are grounded in scientific fact, such as the commonly cited three per cent additional risk of birth defects in those born to cousins.

"These laws reflect once-prevailing prejudices about immigrants and the rural poor and oversimplified views of heredity, and they are inconsistent with our acceptance of reproductive behaviors that are much riskier to offspring," the pair conclude in a journal forum where historians and philosophers reflect on topical issues in biology.

"They should be repealed, not because their intent was eugenic, but because neither the scientific nor social assumptions that informed them are any longer defensible."

The researchers give the example of a 2002 expert review on birth defects. The panel concluded the risk to those born to cousins is smaller than generally assumed at 1.7 to two per cent higher than the population-wide risk of birth defects, which is between two and three per cent. The review panel thought such a rate did not warrant any special testing before conception.

I got my cousin pregnant and we haven’t told our parents

5 years ago, Reddit had a post about cousin romance:

I’m 21 and she’s 22. Last year, I moved back to my home state after 14 years of being away. In those 14 years, I had seen my cousins 5-6 times when my family would vacation here. She has an older sister and us three cousins would cling together whenever we did have a family reunion since the rest of the kids were either older or significantly younger than us.

Last June was the first time I had seen her in nearly 5 years and it’s fair to say she had changed significantly. She was always ‘cute’ but puberty turned her into a drop dead gorgeous woman. I was instantly attracted to her, but I figured it was just my hormones getting the best of me.

Fast forward a few months later, I went to a party with her and my other cousin. As you would expect from a party full of young twenties and alcohol, things got out of hand quickly. I won’t go into all the super long details, but I had sex with my cousin that night. Honest to God, it was the most amazing experience of my life, even she was completely wasted and I was slightly under the influence.

He says they are from California which does allow cousin marriage. I would recommend getting married to your cousin first before getting her pregnant.

I hooked up with my cousin at a family reunion

On November 12th, The Sun had an article about cousin romance:

It all started a few years ago at a family reunion, she explained.

At the time, she was 18-years-old and her cousin was 24.

Over the course of the week-long event, the pair found themselves sneaking off together to take naps in the same bed.

But the naps soon progressed into something else.

"After doing this a couple of times, we started getting handsy, and one thing led to another, and we ended up hooking up, not all the way, but almost all the way," she said, leaving hosts X and Y lost for words.

The anonymous woman continued: "Flash forward, I got accepted into a university near where he and his brother live and they have invited me to live with them. I said yes.

Map of the Day: Cousin Lovin’

In 2010, Mother Jones had a short article on cousin marriage:

Hm, how many states could I marry my cousin in? Turns out the answer, despite all that stigma and a slightly increased risk of birth defects in offspring, is, most states. Some have caveats, like that we wouldn’t be allowed to get married unless we were really old or unable to reproduce, and some wouldn’t let us get married but WOULD legally recognize our marriage as long as we had the ceremony somewhere else.

Kissing Cousins - The Popularity & Controversy of Cousin Marriage

On November 15th, 2023, American Marriage Ministries had an article about cousin marriage:

A quick intro to marriage customs between cousins. Curious if you can marry your first or second cousin, how common this practice is in the US or around the world, or why some see it as controversial while others don’t? This short article looks at the history, culture, practice, and prevalence of cousin marriage – also known as consanguineous marriage.

Every month, thousands of people search online for information on the legality of first and second cousin marriages. 

“Can you marry a second cousin?” they ask, or “Which states allow first cousin marriage?” and “Is marriage between cousins legal?” …You get the idea. 

Of course, some of these queries come from simple curiosity. Some are likely made by snickering teenagers, looking to cause trouble among classmates, or from uninspired comedians and bored office workers. (We’ve all heard the jokes at least once, right?)

But many of these searches are probably made by individuals who, well, want to marry their cousin. 

It makes us wonder: How common is marriage between cousins? Where is it legal to marry a cousin, and under what conditions or restrictions? Why is there so much controversy surrounding these types of consanguineous marriages (marriage between relatives), and has it always been this way? 

Let’s take a look!

Terms to know: ‘First cousins’ are non-siblings that share grandparents, and ‘second cousins’ are non-siblings that share great-grandparents. Some people may also be cousins through marriage or adoption; different rules may apply to cousins who aren't related by blood.

You can marry your first cousin in New York

On November 2nd, West Virginia television station WTRF had an article about cousin marriage:

New York may not be the first state you would think of when you think of a “Kissing cousin state” but it in fact, is one.

Although New York law explains that the state “doesn’t permit marriage licenses to be issued to an ancestor and a descendant, such as between a parent and child or grandparent and grandchild,” a marriage of first cousins is legal and would be protected by the state.

New York also allows a niece to marry her mother’s half-brother, but she cannot marry her mother’s full brother.

All these terms might be tricky, but a website is dedicated to explaining cousin marriage. 

A first cousin is a non-sibling with whom you share grandparents, meaning this person is usually family-related and is the offspring of an uncle or an aunt. A second cousin is a non-sibling who shares great-grandparents, according to American weddings. 

“In the United States, only 0.2% of marriages are between first or second cousins. To put that into perspective, about 3,980 of the 1.99 million couples married in the U.S. in 2021 may have been cousins,” according to American Weddings.

A man who had a vasectomy is sleeping with his cousin

Three years ago, Reddit had a post about a cousin couple who wanted to marry, but lived in a state where it is not legal:

I’ve (42M) been sleeping with my cousin (38F) for the last seven months.

Three years ago my wife and son passed away in an accident. My cousin who lived with her mom stayed with me for a few months to help me out.

During that time nothing explicit happened but we found ourselves snuggling while watching movies and one night we fell asleep on the couch together. We both sort of just laughed it off.

About eight months ago my maternal aunt passed away and I offered to help my cousin sale her mom’s house for her to stay with me for awhile.

We quickly fell into a home routine and found a lot of joy with each other. One night we had the right mix of edibles, wine, and Sci-Fi shows and ended up kissing and making out like teenagers and slept in the same bed that night.

The next day we said we shouldn’t peruse this and just leave it alone. We had sex that night and almost every night since then.

I have a vasectomy and neither of us have a desire at our ages to have babies and the only family alive other than us is her father who hasn’t been involved with her life since she was a teen. We are looking at actually moving and getting married; we do wonder if this ‘secret’ will be an issue in the long run.

Edit: to answer a few questions we are first cousins — our moms we’re sisters Legality — speaking with two lawyers our state wouldn’t allow marriage; however since we are not direct ancestors or descendants of each other and well past the age of consent the sex is not illegal (laws are weird)

My cousin and I are in love and see a future together

Three years ago, Reddit had a post about dating cousins who were deciding whether to marry:

He is my first paternal cousin 26m, I am 23f. We come from Catholic, Filipino families.

We were like childhood friends. He used to come over all the time, sleepover and we'd play Nintendo64 and talk all night long. We talked about everything and anything. We would see each other at family parties and always had a soft spot for each other. The younger cousins would always tease and joke and ask us if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and say "you guys are going to get married". Kids are silly, but I can't say their joking was far off from the truth, admittedly.

Flash forward to the present, him and I have always been close, and we talked and texted outside of family gatherings. We both have grown up a lot and have lived our lives and graduated from good universities and are thriving in our careers. When the pandemic hit, I moved home and me and him once again re-connected as we always do. However this time, it was different... we fell in love. Not overnight, but it happened and we've been dating seriously for about a year now and envision ourselves together. Our core values and all our beliefs are so aligned. We understand each other and we always try, we have grown together and we are so confident that we can handle anything that comes are way...

Falling in love with your cousin

In 2013, SBS News had an article about cousin marriage:

"You can't help who you fall in love with. Lyle was the one I loved and that's who I wanted to be with, plain and simple."

Across Australia, cousins are having relationships, marrying and having children together. It’s legal but remains a taboo for many people.

In the Middle East, Africa and Asia, however, cousin marriages (or consanguinity) are widely practised and seen as a way to maintain family and community stability and reduce uncertainties of hidden financial or health problems.

“In Buddhism the Tibetans avoid cousin marriage absolutely,” says Genetics Professor Alan Bittles from Murdoch University, "whereas for Buddhists in Sri Lanka, South India, South East Asia, cousin marriage is very common.

“But I think the important thing with Western culture as well is that until the middle of the 19th century, first cousin marriage was regarded as being terribly romantic. All the English novelists were writing about ‘dearest cousin’ and this was a wonderful idea.

Why are Pakistani Cousin Marriages Still Popular Today?

In 2023, DESIblitz had an article about cousin marriage:

Traditionally, the perspective of inter-family marriages focuses on the arranged marriage route – families orchestrate the events.

However, cousin marriages have the possibility of being arranged by choice as a love-cousin marriage.

Arranged marriages are as discussed a by-product of cultural tradition as well as patriarchal norms that enforce cousin marriages, in certain areas.

Yet, cousin marriages by love are also present in Pakistan.

Before that matter of marriage is unfolded, it is important to consider the socialisation of cousins in Pakistani families.

This is seen among Pakistani families who still marry within families.

Patriarchal norms and culture go hand-in-hand here, with Pakistani men in the diaspora often exploring sex, love interests and dating outside of the family realm.

But when it boils down to commitment, they settle down and marry their cousins to meet family expectations.

Marriages in this instance are not just limited to first cousins only. It can go as far as second or third cousins.

The way cousins interact within the Pakistani culture can also raise many questions – whether it’s celebratory occasions or significant events such as weddings.

If love has no boundary, then cousin marriage is only a subject of cultural appropriation.

Why Have So Many World Leaders Married Their Cousins?

Britannica has an article on cousin marriage:

A crown. A ring. Your cousin. What else do you need for a royal wedding?

At this point, the fact that so many royals through history wed relatives in what are now termed consanguineous marriages is something of a history joke. But why did they do it in the first place?

Before we begin, an acknowledgement: it wasn’t only royals who wanted to “keep it in the family.” The economist and patriarch of a major manufacturing family, Pierre-Samuel du Pont, wasn’t afraid to admit his plan for his lineage, writing in 1810: “The marriages that I should prefer for our colony would be between the cousins. In that way we should be sure of honesty of soul and purity of blood.” Other magnates were more discrete, but they often shared the same opinion; by refusing to allow his female descendants to inherit his wealth, banking great Mayer Amschel Rothschild guaranteed that for his daughters and granddaughters to find wealthy, suitable husbands, they would have to look among their cousins. (And so they did: four pairs of Rothschild cousins, as well as one uncle-niece pairing, were wed.)

Why are Cousin Marriages so common in South India?

On October 12, 2023, Medium had an article about cousin marriage:

Cousin marriages, particularly between first cousins, are relatively common in some regions of South India, and there are several historical, cultural, and social factors that contribute to this practice:

Cousin marriages have been a part of South Indian culture and tradition for centuries. They are often seen as a way to maintain family and community ties and strengthen family relationships.

South Indian society has a strong emphasis on the caste system, which traditionally influences marriage choices.

Marrying within the same caste or sub-caste, including cousin marriages, has been a way to preserve social and economic structures.

Cousins often live in close geographical proximity to each other, which makes it easier for families to arrange marriages. It can also contribute to the familiarity and comfort between cousins.

Marriages in South India are not just the union of individuals but also the union of families. Marrying a cousin is often considered a way to strengthen family bonds and maintain social harmony.

Marrying within the family can help keep family property and assets within the same family group.

More than just kissing: cousins and the changing status of family

Jenny DiPlacidi is the author of the 2018 book "Gothic incest: Gender, sexuality and transgression". Chapter 4 is called "More than just kissing: cousins and the changing status of family". JSTOR has a digital copy of the book. Here is an excerpt:

Amongst the many tangled familial relationships in the Gothic that are fraught with incestuous desires and passions, cousin relationships occupy a curious space in which the incestuous nature of the bond is at once diminished and heightened by its relative acceptance by both English society and the law. Cousin marriages may be more permissible than other relationships between blood kin because the consanguineal tie, in terms of shared genetic material, is weaker than those between the more taboo incestuous relationships, such as mother-son, father-daughter or brother-sister. The difficulty in coming to a clear consensus regarding the incestuous nature of cousin marriage is demonstrated by the irreconcilable differences between leading scientists and anthropologists on cousin incest. Sociobiologist Joseph Shepher argues that 'most cultural forms of mating', including preferential cousin marriages, 'represent cultural regulations aimed at optimum inbreeding'. Shepher defines incest as 'mating between relatives, called inbreeding' and that 'as a technical term, inbreeding is reserved for cases in which discernible traces can be followed back to common ancestors within two to three generations'. Certainly cousins count in this regard, their shared relations being grandparents.

Drunk teenager slept with cousin at family wedding before discovering who she was

On May 3rd, The Mirror had an article about romance at a family wedding:

“A girl I don’t recognise begins to dance with me on the very crowded dance floor. She’s older than me clearly, but I thought maybe 19 or 20. Anyway, we start dancing, touching, etc. She twerks on me a little, I grind a bit and I presume nobody noticed due to accumulated intoxication and crowdedness around where we were.

“One thing leads to another, we start kissing and she asks me if I want to go ‘upstairs’, which I correctly take to mean her room in the hotel (it was a hotel wedding). I, of course, being a hormonal teenage boy, jump at the opportunity and say yes. I should say this wasn’t my first time or anything and by this point, I carried condoms around in my wallet when I went out and knew I would be drinking.

“So we proceed to discreetly (or so I think) take our leave. Both are drunk, obviously, but not to the point of not being in control of our actions, or stumbling around/blackout etc. I get to her room, a bit of excited talk, and clothes come off. All is going well. Now, I should say that all this time I’m assuming this girl is a relative or perhaps a friend of the bride, but oh boy. I was in for a shock. Because, as it turns out, she thought the same of me.

“As we were ‘cleaning up’, so to speak, we began a little small talk when before had mostly just been purely sexual. She eventually asks how I know the bride. I stop. Thunderstruck. The realisation slowly creeping up on me and oh, the horror. I laugh it off, hoping, in vain, she is joking and state I am the son of (insert mother's name).

“The shock is palpable on, what I then realised, was my cousin's face as she was putting her bra back on. She sort of freaks out and says she’s the estranged daughter of one of my uncles who’s had a troubled life, whom she had very recently reconnected with.

What’s the genetic disease risk for children of related couples?

In 2012 The Conversation had an article about cousin marriage:

Marriages between people who are related is more common than you might think. Unlike what many people think, their offspring are not doomed to birth defects or medical problems.

In fact, unless they both carry the same gene mutation, the couple’s chance of having a healthy child is almost as high as any other couple. Let’s examine why, through the story of one couple.

*******************************************************************************************

Without a family history of an autosomal recessive condition, Maria and Max have an 8% chance of having a child diagnosed with a problem after birth. In other words, their chance of having a healthy baby is greater than 90%, a figure that most people find quite reassuring.

This figure is not too different to the general population risk of having a baby with a birth defect. Most related couples accept this risk and focus instead on general measures to have a healthy baby, such as taking folate, losing weight, and reducing their intake of alcohol and cigarettes.

I’m a traveller – yes we marry our cousins

On July 27th, The Sun had an article about cousin marriage:

Defending the practice, Zoey took to TikTok to say: "Yes, some girls do marry their cousins, and what about it?"

She said that she doesn't understand why non-travellers complain about gypsies marrying their cousins.

"Why are you letting it get to you?", she said.

"So what, let them be.

"As long as they are happy, that's the main thing".

Zoey said that she doesn't think there is anything wrong with the practice, and urged non-travellers to keep their opinions to themselves.

The Science of Marrying Your Cousin

In 2014, Gizmodo had an article about cousin marriage:

In modern western society, marrying your cousin is not well accepted, particularly in the United States. Through a combination of old prejudices and present-day conventional wisdom about inherited birth defects, first cousin marriage is seen by many as a little too close for comfort, as well as a bad idea if you want children.

However, first cousin marriage is far more common, and far less dangerous, than many of us have been led to believe, as you'll soon see. Further, if you include second cousins in the mix, according to the Clinical Genetics Handbook, the increased risks with regards to having children are nearly non-existent in this case compared with non-cousin marriage.

While there have been instances of the banning of marriage between cousins at various points through history, such as the Roman Catholics banning the practice for a time starting with the Council of Agde in 506 AD, for the most part marriage among cousins has been popular as long as people have been getting married. In fact, it is estimated that as many as 80% of the marriages in human history have been between first or second cousins.

Family joke leads to cousin marriage

On May 3rd Jay Nordlinger of National Review shared an e-mail he received about cousin marriage:

There was a headline that was maybe — well, not optimally worded: “Tennessee lawmakers send bill to ban first-cousin marriages to governor.” I noted it in an Impromptus, here.

A reader writes,

I have to share a family joke. My father is the third of three boys. My oldest uncle had one boy, two years older than I. He was my first crush, sort of. We thought he was the best. My other uncle had three girls and one boy and we rarely saw them since they lived halfway across the country, but one memorable year we all got together. All the cousins slept at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, even the local ones.

A year or so later my aunt shared a humorous story about her middle girl who was showing no interest in boys at the ancient age of twelve. When asked about it, this girl said, “Oh, I’m just going to marry [my older uncle’s son].” We laughed about that for years.

You have to be careful about these family jokes. They got married in 1980 (yes, it was legal) and have raised three kids.

Can you legally marry your cousin in South Carolina?

On April 26th The State, a daily newspaper in Columbia, had an article about cousin marriage:

The Bible’s Old Testament talks about cousin marriage. In one passage God instructs cousins to marry (Numbers 36:1-11).

There are so many examples of historic figures marrying a cousin, it begs the question: Is it even legal?

Yes if you live in South Carolina and these other states: Alabama, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, North Carolina, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia. The South Carolina Code of Laws Section 20-1-10 specifically prohibits many types of family members from marrying, but not cousins.

You can marry your second cousin, however, in all states in the nation.

The practice is allowed and even encouraged in countries around the world.

Until the mid-1800s cousin marriage in the U.S. was favored by the upper class as a way to hold onto wealth. The rise in the ease of travel, though, opened the world and more suitors.

Cross-cousin marriage

Britannica has an article on the term cross-cousin which means "the children of a father’s sister or of a mother’s brother":

Some societies consider first-cousin marriages to be ideal. In those that differentiate between cross-cousins and parallel cousins, cross-cousin marriage is usually preferred or sometimes even obligatory, while marriage between parallel cousins often falls under incest taboos. In exceptional cases, however, the opposite is true. Even when a cross-cousin is the preferential mate, actual instances of such marriages in a given society may be small, for such decisions are also influenced by local customs governing succession, inheritance, and residence. Cross-cousin marriage often acts as a device to strengthen alliances between clans.

Map Shows States Where You Can Marry Your Cousin

On April 12th, Newsweek had an article about cousin marriage:

First-cousin marriage remains completely legal in these 17 states: Alabama, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, North Carolina, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia.

Other states allow first cousins to get married in some specific circumstances. Maine, for instance, allows cousins to wed after they undergo genetic counseling. Other states, such as Arizona, Illinois, Indiana, Utah and Wisconsin, allow it when both individuals seeking to get married reach a certain age, typically at which they would be unlikely to have children.

The exact number of Americans who are married to their first cousins is not clear. A 2015 column from FiveThirtyEight examined the issue and found that statistics show that 0.2 percent of Americans are married to their first cousins. The website said, however, that number also includes the number of Americans married to their second cousins, and that number is based on studies from 1941 to 1981, with more-recent data not being available.

Cousin marriage is probably fine in most cases

On February 15th, The Economist had an article about cousin marriage:

“The law against first-cousin marriage is a major form of discrimination,” says Robin Bennett of the University of Washington’s department of medicine, who was a co-author of the nsgc guidelines. For offspring “the risks are very low and not much different than for any other couple,” she says.

Throughout Western history attitudes about consanguineous marriages have varied. The Bible does not directly ban sexual relations between cousins—how else would all of mankind have descended from Adam and Eve? The Roman Catholic Church did later prohibit first cousins from marrying, though exceptions were made for a fee. Martin Luther, the father of Protestantism, objected to such payments, so many Protestant denominations allowed these marriages free of charge. As is clear from novels such as “Mansfield Park” and “Wuthering Heights”, the people of Georgian and Victorian England were not too squeamish about such relations. Queen Victoria was married to her first cousin, as were both Albert Einstein and Edgar Allan Poe.

In some cultures, marriage between close family members is encouraged today. It secures wealth and reinforces social connections within the family. It might even make marriages easier, on the optimistic assumption that the in-laws are more likely to get along. In some areas of the world (Pakistan, the Middle East), nearly half of all marriages are between close relations. No European countries ban marriages between first cousins (though Norwegian policymakers recently debated doing so).

Childhood Memory Of Kissing Cousin

On Christmas Day, The Onion had a parody about cousin marriage:

With the scene buried deep in the local woman’s subconscious seeming to emerge out of nowhere, sources confirmed Monday that Lindsay Healy’s childhood memory of kissing her cousin had suddenly bubbled to the surface during a game of charades. According to sources, Healy’s once-repressed recollection of locking lips with her first cousin Dennis Deckert in her family’s basement when they were both 12 years old popped into her head without warning as she made a movie-camera hand gesture and attempted to act out clues that would prompt her teammates to guess The Shawshank Redemption. As she pantomimed tunneling out of prison and emerging from a river of sewage, Healy was reportedly trying to convince herself that it wasn’t weird or bad because they were just kids and didn’t know any better. At press time, Healy was seen kissing Deckert, who she is now happily married to, after he guessed the movie correctly.