Dating first cousin

Go Ask Alice had an advice column about a cousin couple that was originally published on October 27, 1995, but was updated on December 30, 2022.

What are the pros and cons (legally and morally) of dating your 1st cousin? To make a long story short, my cousin and I became close friends, then fell in love with each other. We have that "don't care" attitude on what others say or think about our relationship, but are curious anyway.

Alice had a long response, but here is part of it:

Studies have found some social benefits to consanguineous relationships. These include a lower risk of financial problems, ease of marriage arrangements, increased female autonomy in heterosexual relationships, better compatibility with in-laws, preserved family wealth and values, shared cultural values, and lower rates of domestic violence and divorce. Some biological benefits from consanguineous mating are the likelihood of childbearing at an earlier age and thus a longer reproductive life, a higher number of live births, and an overall possible increase in fertility.

Shaking Off the Shame

On November 25th, 2009, The New York Times had an article about cousin marriage:

WHEN Kimberly Spring-Winters told her mother she was in love, she didn’t expect a positive response and she didn’t get one.

“It’s wrong, it’s taboo, nobody does that,” she recalled her mother saying.

But shortly after the conversation, Ms. Spring-Winters, 29, decided to marry the man she loved: her first cousin.

Shane Winters, 37, whom she now playfully refers to as her “cusband,” proposed to her at a surprise birthday party in front of family and friends, and the two are now trying to have a baby. They are not concerned about genetic defects, Ms. Spring-Winters said, and their fertility doctor told them he saw no problem with having children.

The couple, she is a second-grade teacher and he builds furniture, held their wedding last summer on a lake near this tiny town in central Pennsylvania. But their official marriage took place a month earlier in Maryland, at Annapolis City Hall, because marriage between first cousins is illegal in Pennsylvania and in 24 other states, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures under laws enacted mostly in the 19th century.

Divorced man has feelings for his younger cousin

On May 24th the New York Post had an advice column with a question from a man attracted to his cousin.

I am a 57-year-old male. I have no children, and I was forced to move back in with my mother to start my life over again. I divorced my wife because she was cheating.

I have a cousin from Alabama who is 30. I love her dearly. She’s my favorite cousin, and I have begun having feelings for her. I think it may be my body’s way of telling me it wants to procreate and leave a legacy.

Abby had a really good response:

In some (not all) states, marriage between cousins is legal. Tennessee and Alabama happen to be two of them. Your cousin may be 27 years younger, but at 30, she’s a grown woman. Do you have any indication of whether your feelings are reciprocated? Sometimes the feelings we suppress only make them grow stronger. A way to resolve this would be to express them.

The letter doesn't say if they are first cousins, but the large age gap is still possible. My youngest first cousin was born 24 years after me.